


Someone who isn't so hopeless

by laudanum_and_wine



Category: The Expanse (TV), The Expanse Series - James S. A. Corey
Genre: (as far as I can tell), Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Earth/Belt tension, F/F, First Relationship, Making this up as I go!!!, Non canonical backstory
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:53:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27652339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laudanum_and_wine/pseuds/laudanum_and_wine
Summary: By the age of seventeen Julie Mao was a pilot, by eighteen a racer, by twenty one a champion. By twenty two she had  dissapeared from the racing circuits and by twenty eight she was dead.A backstory for Julie Mao and how she went from the heir apparent at the center of an empire to dying alone a million miles from home.
Relationships: Julie Mao/OC
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	Someone who isn't so hopeless

On her first flight and at the age of thirteen Julie decided she would be a pilot. With the unshakable self assurance of a child she knew for absolutely certain that there was nothing she would not do, would not sacrifice, to race and run and fly as often as possible, and that meant being a pilot. 

She had been a passenger in the ship, and the trip had just been an indulgent swoop around Luna on the way home to Earth, just a treat her father's coworker Sylvia had promised her for good grades, but Julie had immediately Known. She was Changed. She was a pilot.

"You okay over there kid?" Sylvia had asked when the thrust in the little ship had reached a little over standard earth gravity. 

Sylvia was a Belter from Luna who worked for Julie's father ferrying cargo all over the Belt. Julie didn't know what exactly Sylvia carried around, she assumed it was things like encrypted data cubes filled with secrets that her father didn't trust to transmit any other way. Probably top secret corporate espionage about other companies, she figured, which made them boring secrets but also made Sylvia sort of like a spy. Sylvia also had a mohawk. Julie thought that Sylvia might be the coolest person she knew.

"I'm good!" Julie replied from the copilot's seat. 

The older woman had not looked over when she asked, and it occurred to Julie that maybe Sylvia was actually having a hard time moving freely at even normal earth gravity. Sylvia was Belter tall, but Julie was still relatively short and hadn't had her last growth spurt yet (she hoped) and so everyone was tall to her. Even her occasional visits to Luna with her father hadn't lengthened her bones that much, since they always sent her home after a week.So Julie had forgotten that the pilot next to her wasn't used to "normal" gravity, had forgotten that was why she never saw Sylvia: she was very rarely on Earth and Julie was rarely on Luna. It must be because she Sylvia can't tolerate the gravity very long, Julie thought, because she's a Belter. She'd never really put those pieces together in her mind before, and it felt strange to realize it that way. It was so obvious-

"Alright then munchkin," Sylvia flipped a few switches and grinned straight ahead at the stars. 

Julie blinked and tried not to blush with frustrated embarrassment. She didn't want Sylvia to know how stupid she had been, that she only just realized 1G was abnormal for the woman. 

Sylvia didn't notice, "Let's give you a tour of the skies!"

They had swooped around Luna in an arc, maneuvering in just a few times gravity's pull, until Julie felt nauseous with adrenaline. Eventually Sylvia slowed, let them drift without acceleration toward Earth.

"Well then: was that worth the effort of getting straight A's you think?" 

"Absolutely!" Julie enthused, then focused on even breathing to settle her stomach. She was not going to puke here, absolutely not.

When they landed on Earth it was mid-morning and Julie was starving. Sylvia had walked to the airlock slowly, was leaning against the wall as she pressed the release for the door and walkway. Since it was only today that Julie had really realized Sylvia couldn't stay on Earth like her, it startled her to think the woman might right at this moment be the kind of exhausted that Julie only ever felt after playing tag with her friends, after running a mile. 

As the door opened the older woman straightened and Julie saw that her father was waiting outside for them. Sylvia grinned, had to look strong for her boss, Julie thought. Julie impulsively hugged the older woman, lifting up with her arms slightly, a probably useless attempt to help bear the weight of gravity for someone else. She knew it was useless, but Sylvia had always seemed kind of invulnerable to Julie. Until now.

"Thank you Aunt Sylvia," she said, then ran to hug her father as well.

"Thank you Dad! That was the best thing ever, we went so fast, and we looked at the darkside colonies right at sun-set, I've never seen that before and-" Julie babbled.

"Thank you, Ms. Wainwright. Safe travels," Jules waved at the pilot in dismissal, and Julie thought that was good because it meant Sylvia could leave sooner, if Dad didn't need to talk to her. Sure enough the little shuttle's engines were warming as her father led Julie to the house.

"Aunt Sylvia?" Jules finally asked when Julie stopped talking.

Julie shrugged. "Yeah. I've known her my whole life, Dad. It's like…" Julie considered the situation as her father led her to the dining room, where she was sure breakfast was waiting. "It's like she's my cool Aunt and her house is Luna. You never let me stay more than a few days there, so I guess I just associate Sylvia and Luna."

Her dad did that one-eyebrow thing that was so dorky looking on him.

"What?" Julie shrugged. "You gonna eat breakfast with us?" They had entered the dining room where Clarissa was already eating toast while she fiddled with her hand terminal.

"Sure," Jules said, and sat with the girls. He obviously hadn't planned on it. Clarissa put her hand terminal away at a look from him. "Actually I had wanted to talk to you girls about Luna. I think you're both old enough that we can finally send you there for school, assuming the doctors approve."

Julie was sure she had growing left to do, she was sure that she would be taller than this eventually. She'd only barely hit 1.6 meters this year, and frankly that was not enough as far as she was concerned. She wanted to be tall and willowy and graceful in the way her mother had been. Clarissa might think height was a Belter trait, but she didn't like her black hair either: Clarissa was an idiot. If the doctor said Julie still had cartilage plates that weren't finished hardening they wouldn't let her stay on Luna longer than a few days. Alternately, if she did still have soft cartilage and she somehow went to Luna, the low gravity might help her gain a few centimeters of height, and maybe more.

"Aren't the Luna schools very difficult?" Julie asked.

"Why, do you think you'll fail out?" Clarissa spoke the words sweetly but didn't hide her sneer.

"They are more challenging," Jules said in his best stop-fighting voice. "They're also much better than the schools here, as they can draw on the best minds of Earth and the Belt." It sounded rehearsed. Julie nodded and ate her toast.

The thought of finding a way to convince the doctors to let her go to Luna despite having cartilage that still hasn't hardened distracted Julie for most of the day.

That night, as she lay in bed, Julie wanted only two things: to be taller, and to be a pilot. The taller thing she knew she had little control over, but the pilot part, that was a choice and hard work and some luck. A little voice reminded her that her father would not like her focusing on ships. He would say she was too young, needed to focus on school, needed to think about the business. And while his disapproval was all the more reason to do something, it also meant he would make this difficult for her. 

At the age of thirteen Julie knew how her father's mind worked: life was a series of business transactions, and everything in life was give-and-take. Nothing in life was free, you had to work hard and prove you deserved things by taking them yourself. If she wanted to do something badly enough her father wouldn't stop her from doing it, but he would make her pay or negotiate. Perfect grades had gotten her the things she wanted in the past, when she was a kid, but Julie had eventually realized the work wasn't worth the time and effort. 

Her grades had sunk from perfect to just barely acceptable last year. When her father had asked for (demanded) an explanation Julie had only been able to say that she knew she was able to get better grades but what was the point? She passed with B's and C's as well as she passed with A's, and she wasn't going to need perfect grades to get into school: they both knew she'd get a private education for college. 

During that conversation Jules had looked stared at her, clenched and unclenched his hands. Julie hadn't looked away from him, not even when she thought a blood vessel in his eye was going to burst from the anger. 

"You know I'm right," she'd said, and then she tried to sound like him, like something he'd said once. "There's no gain, uhm, the cost to benefits comparison is bad."

Unexpectedly he started to laugh.

"Alright Julie, you're right. Nothing below a B and we don't need to talk about this again," her father said. Julie left smiling.

But that had been asking for forgiveness, and this was asking for permission. She would need to play nice, she would need to be charming, she would need to be the Good Daughter in the same way her sister was.

So the next day when she woke up Julie opened her closet for the first time in weeks and put on one of the serious fussy blouses that she normally shunned. She reached past her jeans to a pair of boring black slacks, and brushed her hair out instead of wearing it tied up and out of the way how she liked. At dinner that evening Julie arrived with already washed hands, not needing to be scolded into cleaning them. She'd still practiced with her bow and arrow and had gotten mud on her shoes and had sworn a blue streak at her sister that afternoon, but by dinner she had changed her muddy clothing and put the bow away and she hadn't punched Clarissa like she had wanted to so she thought it was a good first day.

No one commented on her change in attire. No one commented when her relatively good behavior was maintained day after day. Her grades stayed perfect. This was part of her plan. She waited one week.

"Hey Dad," she said casually, but sat "correctly" in the armchair, both feet on the floor.

"Hey kiddo," Jules had been reading the newsfeed in his office. He paused the feed and gave her his attention, which she thought was a good sign.

"Dad, I want to talk to you about a hobby I'm interested in."

"More archery?"

"No. I mean, it's fun and all, but when am I gonna need to use a bow? I think I have a new interest," she had spent the week reading, and she had some of the lingo down. "I think I'd like to learn more about piloting ships."

"Jules," he called her by the pet name, their shared name, and she thought it was probably to remind her she was a kid. "I am not buying you a spaceship."

"Daddy, that's not what I'm asking! You always tell us that we should prepare for negotiations and you're not even listening to me!" She tried not to shout.

"I'm sorry," her father sat up straighter. He took a long moment to watch her, which Julie used to calm down. "You've obviously thought about this."

"I have, so please give me the time to present my case."

"Of course, dear," he was smiling like it was cute what she was doing, a little patronizing smirk. She ignored how angry that made her and tried to be rational. 

Julie explained her plan: she explained that she didn't want a spaceship, she was asking for lessons. If she was indeed able to go to Luna and the doctors said she could stay in low G without detrimental effects on her development, then she would be in the perfect position to take first theoretical then practical piloting classes. Once she had a piloting license she could be helpful, wouldn't it be cool for her to be able to take the family to and from Luna herself? When Jules had important meetings she could come with as his pilot and learn more about the business. And if she could pilot for him, it would mean Sylvia might not have to land on Earth to deliver special cargo since the full G was bad for her. And it would be a little like she was a spy: no one would expect the pilot of a ship to matter or pay attention! She might hear things from people that they normally wouldn't say to Jules-Pierre Mao but might tell her, like about how morale was. Julie thought that part was a rather cool idea, it made her feel like a half-spy, like Sylvia.

Jules was silent through her explanation until the end. Julie realized her use of the word "cool" wasn't that professional, and she'd seen the way her father blinked when she mentioned Sylvia, but she'd done her best. She knew that now that she had made her case, he would ask for something more, this was a negotiation after all, but she wasn't sure what he'd want. She wouldn't say no or yes, she'd think about it.

"And if I do say yes, will you get your grades back up to A's?" Her father's face was curious but hard to read. 

Julie thought about saying yes, she really wanted to just promise that to him, even though she said she would think about it, she wanted to just agree but-

"No. If I'm learning to be a pilot I can't guarantee that I will have time to get perfect grades, Daddy. But I won't let them drop below B's, I promise." That was a refusal of his demands, she knew. You didn't ever refuse.

"Alright," Jules said, and she almost jumped up in joy. "I'll make doctors appointments for you and your sister to ensure the Luna gravity is acceptable at your growth level, and we can talk more after that. But I do think you've made a very reasonable appeal, Julie."

"Thanks Dad," and then she did grin, and bounced up and hugged him.

"You'll be terrifying in a boardroom in a few years," he joked, and Julie didn't have the heart to tell him she would never ever be in a boardroom if she could help it. She would be in the sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you give me one comment saying there's not enough Julie fix out there then I, apparently , will write a Julie backstory for ya. It's pretty easy to talk me into starting something new apparently ..?
> 
> Crits\comments\corrections are so very appreciated and adored.


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